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September 1999

We are praying for you in the Intercessory Prayer Group at FUMC here in Lake City

It is beautiful this time of year here...grass lush again, clean,crisp,clear air. I'm reminded of the week before fall semester at Yale in 1961 (almost 40 years ago!) when Micki helped and sang with us Duke's Men at our retreat at the Camp. Life was so full of promise and so uncomplicated! We have both lived and loved, sung and enjoyed more than our share, since then.

And still you are helping others to sing, Micki, not only by your example but also through your wonderful family. Thank you all for sharing yourselves, and your love of life, with us. You have made all of our lives more joyful, and we are grateful.

Love from Salem...Shalom,
David

Dear Micki
You are MOST AMAZING! Shirl returned to Maine last evening after visiting with you in Gainesville. Her spirit reminded me of how I always felt in your company. She was brimming with new wisdoms, full of optimism, and carting new treasures of song and humor. Most of all, she carried peace.

I am also reminded to thank you... For sixteen years of friendship and trust; for exposures to alternative lifestyle options and foods that I still cannot pronounce; and for introductions to your wonderful children. And thanks for Shirl... you worked real hard for that.
Love, thoughts, and prayers for you especially and for you all.
Bill

Dearest Micki, It was very special to spend time with you in the late evening in the liminal radiance of your space and your being. I look forward to seeing you again and sharing as we did.
today in Arts in Medicine at Shands we placed you and your family in our healing chant and toned your names. i could feel your presence. John graham -Pole was excited to learn of the WWW address and will be visiting soon. All others send love and greetings, memories of the '99 symposium planning board, remember? I look forward to more loving and exploratory visits with you here, there and everywhere. Greetings, prayers and blessings to you all, Best love, Tara

I am a friend of Klaas and Bettie VanEsselstyn. They are stayning in our campground and I print out the updates on Mikki for them. I send my prayers and best wishes to the family.

I am affiliated with Yale School of Nursing and as a result, know Jody rather well. She is a student with us here and it is our privilege to have her. She is a remarkable nurse and a very special person. I have not had the pleasure of meeting the rest of the family, but feel as if I know you through this remarkable web site and through conversations that I have had with Jody. My reason for writing is that I simply need to. I need to express my awe at the grace and strength with which the Esselstyn family and friends have shared Micki's journey and the lessons that journey has taught me personally. I have volunteered at a hospice here in CT for almost 15 years and your experience, shared through the web site, epitomizes hospice care at it's very best. I have truly been blessed by what I have learned from the nurses, doctors, and families of hospice patients and you all are an inspiration. Please know that my personal prayers are with you, as well as my gratitude for the gift of seeing such exquisite family love in preparing everyone for Micki's death, which is the beginning, not the end.

Dearest Micki & Eric,

We cherish news of our friends in Hogtown in any form, and your amazing web site is a gift to us. Blake really pegged it when he expressed how difficult it is to supply information about "how Micki's doing." You all have told us what we do & don't want to know, but simultaneously given us the joy of pictures, your thoughts and feelings, and meeting your many friends. We will always treasure the memory of your gift of song at our wedding & your visits when Hannah was newborn. You will always be a part of our family, whether we or you are in Gainesville, Starkville, or the Great Beyond. May the Great Spirit bless you and keep you.
Love and peace,
Nancy, John & Hannah

Dear Micki, Erik, Blake, Jody and Jeff,

I know you don't remember me from Jeff and Jody's wedding in Vermont, but I am one of Jeff's cousins from North Carolina. (If I remember correctly, Jody used to play with or go to school with a girl in Charlotte who eventually became my friend in high school in Charlotte and roommate at Meredith College in Raleigh.) My husband, Buck, and I are praying for each of you. Your web page is awesome! Micki, thank you for teaching me about "letting go of control." I struggle with this daily, but you are an inspiration to me!

Love and prayers,
Mallory and Buck Hodges

Hello all, We are all crowded around the computer tonight catching up with all of you. Anne Bingham is reading aloud to keep us all on the same page. Everyone is sending love, thoughts and big hugs.

Love, Ann, Essy, Jane, Brian, Crile, Ted, Anne, Flinn, Gus, Rose

Hey there Micki, Sorry for the messy entry last time. I actually wrote two nice long ones and each time I went to send them, for some reason my connection had been cut, so I got frantic and dashed on off. When I reread it I was shocked by the mess! Anyway, just checking in to say I miss you. I am dealing with the sudden death of the son of a good friend from the African Family, do you know them. they are the afro-ameericans who have a center in Archer and have lived in an intentional spiritual community for the past forty years following the Yaruba tradition of their ancesters. they are very fine and special people, and they bring a lot of African dance and music to Gainesville. I hope you are feeling OK and if the Lord sees fit, on the mend. I will try to find the right time to drop in, but please feel free to call on me any time and we will muse together again about the wonders of life and transformation. Much love, Tara. 9/4/99 2;10pm

Dear Micki,
You probably only remember me vaguely from Rosemary Hall days when I looked up to you as the wonderful, talented actress. Although you also probably know, that my husband Dick and I have become close friends of your sister, Sherry, and Dick Downes. We lived next to them at Lawrenceville and are devoted to them. I remember so well your wonderful performances in the Shakespeare plays at RH and then your kindness to me when I first arrived at Smith. I have loved hearing from Sherry about your interesting life and have felt so sad that you are having to battle this beastly disease. May God be with you and your family as you go through this and may you find comfort and solace in having such a wonderful, loving family to sustain you! Your web page is wonderful and is an example to all of us as we cope with the mundane, more unimportant tasks of every day life. I hope we can all think of your family and be inspired. Our prayers and thoughts are with you all. Anne (Marshall) Henry

Dear Micki;

I have been hearing updates from my mom (Gretchen Kingsley) and Shirley Martin about your illness, but only logged onto your web page today. It is an incredibly moving and powerful page. You've have touched a lot of people, and inspire one to live a more spiritual life. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
Love,
Deborah Kingsley Taminger.

Hello Micki and Erik,
I have spent last hour being part of your lives and sharing the course of Micki1s illness with you on the Web site. Most of us are not used to thinking of the process of dying as uplifting, but you have surely made it so by sharing it and giving all the rest of us courage. We all get to do it, but I don1t think many of us are able to do so with so much grace. I1m glad to have found you and to have entered your circle of grace, wisdom, and humor. (Sherry called because she had seen Chester Kerr1s obituary. Remember John1s father, Micki? He died just after having a hot fudge sundae.)
Added to my own knowledge of what an amazing person you are, Micki, I get a sense from the guest book of all the wonderful things you have done, people you have touched and made a difference for. And you and Erik, along with Blake and Jody have given me a gift in being able to 3hear the fear, and share the scare2 (there1s strength in numbers!) with you, as well as to share your graceful journey. You are all in my thoughts.
Love, Rosalie

Peace be with you all.
I have of course been reading all your messages over the months. After the first time I wrote, I prayed for mostly peace for all of you - and I believe my prayers were answered. In the most difficult of times, you have hung in there in a most miraculous way. Micki, it's as good as anything John Yungblut ever did, and that's a lot. I was there with him at times, when his body was withering away. I played my drum for him before I left him for the last time. He was unconscious. When I think of you and me in Guild, one experience stands out above all others. We had to annoint our partner and I was so uncomfortable (having never done anything like it before)I was just babbling about how much you meant to me. When I was all finished, you calmly said, "Would you just bless me please?". How simple. The picture I will keep of you is how you knitted through the Guild. And the best that I have to remember is coming to Florida for a seminar and the two of you meeting me for dinner. What a lovely evening. There is little else to say that others haven't already said. As a Hospice volunteer, I can say that you have chosen a most wonderful group to work with. May you be free of pain for the rest of your days and may God take care of the pain of the rest you. Much love from the bottom of my heart. Pam Zaitchick

Dear Micki, Erik, Jody and Blake
I am not even sure what I am going to write to you (Micki), but I want to say something. I have only met you a few times, but feel like I know you well through Jody and who she is. The most memorable time was at Jody and Jeff's wedding July 5th two years ago. At that time, I saw how Your family is very special in your warmth, communication, caring nature for others (both human and the rest of our surroundings, and closeness to each other. That of course came from the way that you all lived together for so many years, a real testament to you, Micki and Erik.

It is quite amazing how many people you have touched over the years. From the comments in the guestbook there are people that you only have known briefly and others that have been very dear, long-time friends. Through your spritual leadership you have helped others both externally and helped them discover how they can help themselves. It is now time for that wonderful positive energy to turn itself back to you. I pray that our collective energy, swimming around as sharks, gobbling up the tendrils of cancer, will turn this around as medicine has not seen before. You deserve at least that. I think of you often.

David Zuckerman

Micki,

I've thought of you many times since we sang for you at Northfield. I remember your smiling face in the window as we sang. I was delighted to see that smile again. As I left I said to myself, I want always to remember you in the window. Memory being what it is, I wondered if indeed I could always keep that picture in my mind, or at least a thought away.

Well, some of us are slower than others at keeping up with changing technology. And so it wasn't intil last Saturday that I got a computer and had my brother set up for me.

I called Frank Lombard to thank him for the info he sent me to buy the computer and asked him about the Northfield message center. With some trial and error and yes, some swearing, I finally got to and navigated around the message board.

And there was a message with your web site address. Being the old pro that I am now five days later, I hopped right up to your site. And there before my wondering eyes did appear, no not Santa, but Mickie and that wonderful smile; not to mention all the other wonderful pictures.

I just want to say I think of you and pray for you. And I am truly inspired by the courage and dignity and spirit of your journey.

Fondly,

Suzanne

To Micki ( Erik, Jody & blake),

Some time has lapsed since I sent U my last message, but I have kept up with all the updates and guest book entries to keep you all close to my heart and in my daily prayers.

And as I am typing this message, I recall, that whenever I have in the past, sent U a message, something slightly unusual occurs, every single time.

My older all black cat, the curious, playful, affectionate and most entertaiining, ....but most skiddish one.... (I have nicked named her "'Fradie Sadie"!) ... jumps up onto my desk and paces back and forth, in front of my keyboard, abstructing my typing and view of my computer screen, rubbing herself up against me for affection. She imposingly maneuvers herself in my face, so that I will grab hold of her and let her perch herself on my left shoulder, cuddling her bottom in the bend of my arm, like you would a small baby. She proceeds to rub her head affectionately in my hair, purring loudly and pationately, as she "burbles" a slightly high pitched, short sylabelled sound she makes when she wants to tell me something.

And I feel all warm and cuddly with her soft fluffy fur massaging me, while I am embracing her and holding her, but feeling held, embraced and cuddled back by her, at the same time.

And it makes me wonder how she must sense the level of emotion, in my body as it changes, while I read through the messages on this sight; the love I hold in my heart for all of you, the love I feel laced in all the many messages from all the people writing to you, from all over the globe ... it must just overtake my body... and Sadie wants in on the "love action"! But she gives off so much of her own, back toward me in the process. We both are soothed by the shared experience.

My experience with Sadie is maybe a metaphor for what I feel describes the publicly shared way we have all been blessed, to go through this experience with you, to be able to stay tuned and stay close to your situation while offering our thoughts and prayers of support, back.

The love and affection; commitment & devotion; honesty & dignity; courage and grace that I have witnessed and truly experienced over these last few months, through all of you, has infused me with pride, love, encouragement, strength, hope, perseverence, faith, inspriation in ways that no other single, personal life experience of my own, has been able to, thus far in my life.

So as I cuddle my cat Sadie on my shoulder, I am holding you close and "cuddling you too" and I am reminded of all the life lessons I am learning through you, Micki, (& company) and the transformation taking place within me - how the realties of your experience have been difficult to accept but how the gracious example you have set has warmed my heart, "massaged" my soul, and soothed my spirit. For for this I will always be indebted to you, and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

And, just between you me & the rest of the world,.....I have nominated you to the forever title of the "Ultimate Supreme Queen of the Secret Society of Ladybugs by the Frog Pond" a title and honor no one else will ever be able to achieve or claim!! You are the one and only, ever, and always.
I send you love and peace, and warm furry cuddles, snuggles and hugs, from "Sadie" & me.
All my love, Carol

Micki -

We have only met once, briefly, at Jody and Jeff's wedding. But you have inspired so many people that I wanted to send some hopefully inspiring words to you. The following is a poem that I have scribbled on a piece of folded-up paper which I have carried around in the zipper pocket of my brief case for the past five years since leaving UVM. It is thought provoking for me and I hope it is for you.

"Success"

To laugh often and much,
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children,
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends,
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition,
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Micki, by all accounts, you have touched many lives and achieved success many times over. All the best to you and your brave and loving family!

Michelle Angelich
Arlington, VA

PS - Jeff and Jody, hope to see you both sometime soon! It's been too long. Lots of love, Michelle.

Hi, Micki and Erik-
This is Sherry's old friend from Cambridge days, who renewed your acquaintance at Edward's Braintree wedding. Sherry kindly made me aware of this website, so I have checked in now and then to be with you and know of Micki's progress. Surely you both are covered by the planopy of God's love and are walking with the courage of Christ. Know that a couple of folks up here in the boonies of Vermont are pulling for you. Love, Marcia Stone

After talking with Essie the other day I have found MickiNews and have been deeply moved by all I've read.May I add the prayers and thoughts of all the BZ members whom you both shared your experiences over the years. I don't know what you taught those young men and women, but I keep hearing them talk about their "Esselstyn experience" in glowing terms. Berzelius owes you a great debt of gratitude. I hope I'll find myself sitting next to Essie at the Bowl this Fall as I did last year. We all have so much to learn from you, and Essie too. Love always, Dan
PS I've been trying to update yourt page, but don't know where to find the browser button.Can anyone help me ?

Hello Esselstyn family,
I know Jody through our mutual friend Ali Hobart. Ali told me about this site when I asked how Jody and her mom were doing. Needless to say I have been crying for the past hour now, in all the best ways one can cry. Thank you for sharing your hearts and souls. It is truly a privilege and honor to witness and feel a part of your extended healing circle. I have not spent much time with Jody, but from the little time I have spent with her I have been touched by her goodness, her warmth, her stability and vulnerability all bunched together in the most humane way. Sometimes I meet someone for a brief moment and I just know, "now she's a good egg!" Well, that's Jody, and now I know why. You, mom and dad, are some great chicks, who have hatched more than just one good egg. My prayers are with you all.

Besos y abrazos to you Jody and your loving family. Rebecca

P.S. I just killed a mosquito, and whenever I kill a mosquito, I say, "Be a Buddha." It made me think that Jody's mom is already a Buddha of sorts in this life and I wonder what she will be or what she wants to be in her other life or lives.

Love again, Rebecca

Hi Micki and family,
You have been in our thoughts and prayers continously but we have tried to honor your request. Eric I am still available to come and sit with Micki during the weekends if you need me. I would be honored. The spirit of the Lord is still saying come and I pray that you share with Micki Jesus' desire for her to come unto Him. We love you much and please, please call us when you have a chance.
Love, the Adams Family.

Hi all,

I am a classmate of Jody's and just visited the website today. What a beautiful place you've created. I was hoping I could do something for you, but instead you've done something for me. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to witness all of you dealing with such a hard thing so honestly and from such a place of love.

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Sher Vieira

Blake Esselstyn here. My friend Beans (a.k.a. Justin) sent us some more "Your momma" jokes that were specific to Mom/Micki. Mom got a huge kick out of them, as did we all, but we weren't sure they merited a separate update. Enjoy:

Your momma's so fat her wheelchair won the local monster truck competition.

Your momma's so fat when she spoke to the dolphins they spoke "blue whale" back.

Your momma's so fat she was able to visit with friends in New Haven and Long Island at the same time.

Thanks for visiting the site and checking out the guestbook!

Dear Sweet Soul Sister Mikki,(and Erik, Jody, Blake et. al.)
I have been following this amazing journey of yours and praying often (especially during our weekly Mischa Berach prayers for healing and full recovery at Bnai Israel In Bridgeport CT.) I have never given up hope. You are healing even if a reversal of death isn't in the cards.
Though we only met once face to face, (in our porch succah this same time if year)our years long communication prior and post meeting had a deep impact on me.

Years before, I met Mikki, Erik had inspired me and I had written about him and his polar bears in my book Your Body Believes....... Erik used polar bears, I always use pac men.
Now the whole family (including Tim & Sue Bingham) have been a blessing to me.

Since reconnecting with both erik & Mikki, I dreamed of being part of publishing some thing from Mikki which would move the world. We weren't ready before, but now I believe that together [erik, mikki, Blake, Jody and extended family and friends}are creating a masterpiece of "seedthoughts." They will continue to sprout, grow wings and fly off the page into people's hearts and minds in order to enrich, empower and heal.

Thank you for blessing us all by your willingness to share yourselves with such a passion for life and all living en-tales [deliberate spelling]

You have a special place in my heart. Your ordeal is a re-minder to me of an important lesson I am still learning.
Many Blessings,
Shalom
Barbara H. Levine

I so appreciated Jody's latest missive to us all. God bless.

Dear Micki,
I have not written since January when I first leared of your on-coming journey. But, that does not mean you have not been often in my thoughts! Today, I am especially reminded because last night I received my long over-due Mother's Day present of a pedicure.

It was at our first Conference in 1982 (your second, I believe) that you did a workshop where you talked about loving our bodies. Since I am a Pisces, I was really taken with your demonstration of foot-love! It took me years to love my feet the way you described, but I think I truly got there last night!!

I wish you well on your continuing journey. I have a vision of you growing little winged feet, like Mercury!......

Love and hugs (to the tune of the Pachanbel Canon playing in the Chapel on a beautuful June evening), Carolyn (Boehne)

There liveth a woman called Micki
Who has a brain tunor so tricky
Her grace under fire
And illness so dire
Makes Micki a muckle terrifky

[as well as]

The Esselstyns as a familia
Are truly a pretty big dealya
With Erik so steady
And Blake always ready
And Jody who's able to healya

i hope you like this. my love to all of you

There liveth a woman called Micki
Who has a brain tunor so tricky
Her grace under fire
And illness so dire
Makes Micki a muckle terrifky

[as well as]

The Esselstyns as a familia
Are truly a pretty big dealya
With Erik so steady
And Blake always ready
And Jody who's able to healya

i hope you like this. my love to all of you

Dear Esseltyn Family, I tried to leave a message yesterday and must have done something wrong. Anyway, I'll try again. I am one of Jody's teachers from Yale School of Nursing. What a beautiful site you have created. I will be thinking of all of you and hoping your "encore," Micki, will give you the opportunity to enjoy more porch time, ice cream, and your wonderful circle of family and friends. Lynne Schilling

Dear Esselstyns,
Hello! I love your web sight and have been laughing and crying as I look at the wonderful pictures and read the updates, letters, news etc. It was great to see and Jody last Spring out here in SF. I'm thinking about you all a lot and remembering the many rainy afternoon Jody and Dara and I spent making cookies in you home on Canner street. Hmm.. that gives me an idea. All my love, Katherine

This web of warmth is contagious. What a lovely feeling.

My best to you Micki and to Esselstyns in Gainesville and New Haven. With affection. Bill Fort.

May you be blessed with comfort, light and healing. May you receive many more days and enjoy them. Love and appreciation from Reb Goldie

*Dearest* Micki, Erik, Blake and Jodi -
I am in awe of all of your steadfastness through this current journey you are all on...I only wish I could be nearer to you all right now...It has been such a busy summer for me that I never got to read all my e-mail messages, having to delete most of them to save time. I made myself promise that I would read the next Mickinews update that showed up, and the September 27th one was that update...

I have very mixed emotions about all that you are all going through right now...On one hand I feel great sadness that Micki's time has been cut short...but on the other hand you all seem to be dealing with everything so openly and with such great love, that it almost makes my heart sing to read all that you are doing...
As you know, I am no stranger to this type of illness, so I know at least a little of what you must be going through. Your support of each other, plus that of family and friends, sounds like you are all confronting this together,and that has given you the strength to keep going, even when the going gets rough...

Know that I love you all, and I *do* think of you often, even though you wouldn't know it from my silence... I will do better about sending cards, e-mails, etc., now that a very busy summer is over...

I know that Sheila and Bruce would want me to say hello and send some good wishes from them as well...

I'm reminded of something that I came away with from one of your Blue Hill Shalom Weekends that I took part in...

"Life ain't no dress rehearsal!"

It sounds as if you are all taking this squarely into your hearts...and I say "Go for it!!"


*All my love*


Daphne

Dear Micki:
I was astonished to read of your illness in the NYTS newsletter! As you may recall, the last time I saw you was when you preached at Edgehill Church in Riverdale. I have been traveling so much this summer with my job that I have not been in attendance there all summer. Otherwise, I would have seen your Mom and would have known how this year has been for you and your family (who all sound pretty terrific, by the way, but I know you already know that!).
Now, I have spent several minutes catching up on your website, and I couldn't resist jotting a quick note to say what a superb experience it has been. Surely your website is touching many lives--it is an incredibly loving and upbeat place to visit out of a obviously painful context. I shall be back there again.
In the meantime, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS!! May God continue to hold you in his loving and comforting arms.
Kindest regards to you and to those who surround you with love.
Peace and blessings,
Lorene Wilbur

We appreciate the site. It's a good way for friends like us to keep in touch with how Micki is doing, as well as Eric and the rest of you. You're in our prayers.

To the Esselstyns,

I know your family somewhat indirectly. My husband and I met Jody at Ginny Aten's wedding. I really enjoyed meeting such a fine young women. John and I have known Ray and Cyndy for over 25 years, having met at Yale "faculty housing" - actually coach-roach haven.

Cyndy told me about your site and I have visited it often. You and your family are in my thoughts.